Welcome to Anxiety Girl

I think these difficult times
Have helped me to understand better than before
How infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way
And that so many things one goes around worrying about
Are of no importance whatsoever
                                                                 Karen Blixen



I am Janine and I am a sufferer of Generalised Anxiety Disorder.  

Have you ever caught yourself chewing over some issue, working yourself into a crazed frenzy of worry and nervousness?  Perhaps you know deep down that what you are worrying about is total crap, but yet when those thoughts take hold your emotions seem to develop a life of their own!

I first encountered the world of anxiety seven years ago, one very beautiful and glorious summer's day on what was meant to be a nice days shopping.  I was pumped to buy some new shoes... I love my shoes see, so after saving up a bit of spendo I decided I would pop to the shopping centre and get some killer heels.  Let me just go back a wee bit and explain that prior to this I had gone through a period of what I now know was severe depression.  I had had some personal issues and events that had occurred and this left me feeling totally pissed off, fed up and angry with the world.  I withdrew a lot and didn't much venture out.  Totally not like me.  Anyway, going out shopping this particular day was a bit of an achievement for me.. a step to normality, or what is technically refereed to as 'recovery' hurrarrahh.

Anyway, where was I?? oh yes killer heels that's right, so, I pull up in the car park, turn off the engine, started to take off my seat belt aaaaannnd ........................................... there I sat, struck dumb by the enormity of what I was experiencing.  You see most people who suffer some form of anxiety disorder/syndrome, remember their first panic attack, and damn I remember mine.
It was overwhelmingly, utterly terrifying and remains etched in the memory for a long time afterwards.. even now.  Now, I am not about to start going on about all the feelings I had as every one experiences different feelings.  There are plenty of websites that outline 'symptoms' that are generally felt by many. Nor am I here to start reminiscing on the past and start to bring up these re-accuring events and emotions that I have already been through.. no, this is a blog starting from today! 

A blog 'diary' if you like about living with an anxiety disorder day by day, week by week, year by year. You see, I just woke up, had a panic attack over a few things (able to jump to the worst conclusion in every single bound hurrarr) and then decided that I am over this shit and it 'aint gunna keep getting one over me. The way I personally see it is this - no one ever gets remembered for the way they faded away into a pit of self pity, they get remembered for how strong they were and how they over come life's difficulties with a smile on their dial whilst helping and caring for others! 

I hope that by doing this, I can not only help my own head out but, draw attention to the crazy ass world of anxiety and maybe, just maybe help others who suffer it see it in a different light?? I was going to call it "Giving Anxiety The Finger" but decided that was a bit too arrogant, so it is going to be simply called 'Anxiety Girl'.   I am in no way qualified to provide professional help in anyway shape or form, and seriously guys, any of you who read this that do suffer from it or think you do, please... your GP will be there to help you out! Go! This blog is just a personal account of my own feeling and views, and speaking in the language of anxiety so that others who suffer can relate, and people who don't can understand.  It will sometimes be serious, sometimes funny, deep and full of emotion no doubt.  Please don't let anything I say, especially if it is in humour make you feel that I am taking the piss out of anxiety, absolutely not, it is far from funny, but I just want to try and see it in another light.  So, I guess I am qualified as a person who has anxiety.  

My message to people who suffer anxiety is this: I KNOW how you feel and CAN start to feel like the usual YOU again.  Everyones anxiety is different, there is no competition on 'who has it worse' - we are all in this together so lets help each other see the beauty that is still out there, regardless of what does or doesn't happen in our life's, lets try and fight it with smiles on our dials :)
Have trust.

Janine