So two days ago... I finally did it. I deactivated my Facebook account.
Let me tell you that this is a really big deal for me. I moved to Australia from the UK ten years ago and I keep in touch with all my friends and family on there. I also love to share cool posts in particularly science and there is some great science pages with interesting information on. BUT, I personally was sick of having a cyber 'social life'.
I was spending way too long on it and it was taking over actually physically catching up with friends or even speaking with them on the phone. I was also concerned about the security issues.. ok, you can set your personal security settings, however people can still see a lot of what you are doing and I wasn't really happy about that. Another thing I found that was my main reason for leaving is that, well, this may sound dramatic but it can be rather psychologically damaging too. You can scroll onto others profiles and their lives can seem oh so brilliant that you question your own life negatively. Really, what you are reading about other people may not be as good as it seems, but you interpret it your own way and usually come to the conclusion that they are having a better life than you! One group photo on a beach in Spain may have been a two second snap with strangers for them but for you, they are having the time of their lives away with beautiful people on a beautiful beach having a great time.... It isn't something that I think is good for someone who suffers general anxiety issues and depression. I think it was doing me more harm than good.
I am naturally a people pleaser - and through my posts I tried to make people happy by telling jokes, posting interesting stuff and sharing photos... but yet most of the time I was using precious time away from actually going 'out' into the world and doing this physically with people who 'would' benefit, not those that 'may' benefit (if they even looked at the posts).
I tried about six times before and never went through with it, however each time I said I was going to and didn't, I did get a step closer. I have finally done it and in all honesty, I am not missing it at all. It has freed up time and also the pressure of "Oh I must post my daily awesomeness today for my friends" has gone... phew!
This is a HUGE step for me and I wanted to share it on here :)
Monday, 23 June 2014
Tuesday, 17 June 2014
Quote of the day
Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.
Mahatma Gandhi, as quoted in Hope in the Age of Anxiety
Monday, 16 June 2014
Anxiety Dreams
Last night was the worst night for anxiety dreams.
Usually they occur only every now and then but lately they're happening a lot more.
I wake up with my heart beating out of my chest.
I have always have a vivid imagination, and I always have crazy vivd dreams but usually they do not wake me up feeling like this.
I find that when there is background noise playing, say a TV left on - this is when they happen.
Anyway I thought I would blog this in case anyone reading whom may have experienced then can relate.
<3
Usually they occur only every now and then but lately they're happening a lot more.
I wake up with my heart beating out of my chest.
I have always have a vivid imagination, and I always have crazy vivd dreams but usually they do not wake me up feeling like this.
I find that when there is background noise playing, say a TV left on - this is when they happen.
Anyway I thought I would blog this in case anyone reading whom may have experienced then can relate.
<3
Sunday, 15 June 2014
A dabble at yoga
Today I tried yoga for the first time. Just a beginners class for relaxation to get use to it and learn breathing techniques.
It made me realise just how anxious, tense, bad posture and a painfully stiff back I have. My heart was racing throughout the entire class and I couldn't fully relax, but after it had finished I did feel slightly relaxed and had a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes it is hard to just get motivated to move... so this was a little step.
I am rather an open-minded individual and I am sensitive to my surroundings. I enjoyed the music that was played and theory behind it was interesting, so I will certainly keep this up with the hopes it benefits the mind as well as the body.
Give it a go folks if you haven't already..
It made me realise just how anxious, tense, bad posture and a painfully stiff back I have. My heart was racing throughout the entire class and I couldn't fully relax, but after it had finished I did feel slightly relaxed and had a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes it is hard to just get motivated to move... so this was a little step.
I am rather an open-minded individual and I am sensitive to my surroundings. I enjoyed the music that was played and theory behind it was interesting, so I will certainly keep this up with the hopes it benefits the mind as well as the body.
Give it a go folks if you haven't already..
Saturday, 14 June 2014
Our 'Purpose'
I often think "What is the purpose of my life?" “What am I here for, I know there is something I must do, there is some thing that I am 'meant' to do, but what?”
In fact, I've heard many men and women, at some point, that don't know what they're really here for. They're not necessarily religious or spiritually inclined, but they feel a longing for that "certain something" that defines and integrates their lives.
First, I think everyone feels a pull towards some defining purpose to his or her life, no matter how much it may have become shut out of sight. You can say that all forms of life, all natural phenomena, have some purpose. There's always movement or evolution towards some kind of outcome, whether it's a tree that produces fruit or clouds that form to produce rain. But we humans become so enthralled by our daily activities, engagements and goals, that our awareness of our own unique life purpose is easily dimmed.
And there are consequences to not knowing or finding your purpose. Some people who've become successful in their work or relationships, yet feel hollow, empty or unfulfilled. Sometimes they wonder if they've been on the "wrong" path all along, chosen the wrong career or the wrong life partner. Perhaps their chosen path could be more meaningful or purposeful to them, if they let it.
I think most people retain at least a glimmer of awareness of their life's purpose within themselves. It often feels like a leaning that continues to pull at you. Sometimes it is right in front of your eyes but you don't allow yourself to see it.
Those who experience these feelings but don't pursue or fulfil them remain incomplete and dissatisfied; this is what I did myself for years. However, it's important not to confuse seeking happiness with finding your purpose. Happiness is what you experience in the daily flow of life, the highs and lows that are situational. They will fluctuate. But purpose is deeper. When you're living in accordance with your life's purpose, you view all of the above as part of what you encounter along the road. They don't distract you from that larger vision, which is like a magnet steadily pulling you towards it.
So, what is my purpose? What am I leaning to? What is pulling at me? Well, when I was young, and I am talking when I was about five or six years of age, I had a constant vision. It was very clear and very vivid; there was a girl on a truck, stood in the back surrounded by gifts. The truck was heading down this long dirt track, it was so hot and the atmosphere was heavy. After a while, the truck entered what appeared to be a small village and all of a sudden, smiling, happy children, holding their arms out and shouting with joy, surrounded the truck. It was Africa, the truck had gone there to distribute gifts at Christmas, and that was me on the back of the truck, giving these amazing children things they had only dreamed about.
So, whats your purpose? :)
http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/02/27/purpose-work-love/
just how it rolls
Well, after being on a positive high first thing this morning when I wrote my first blog for 'Anxiety Girl', good ol' faithful has decided to try and get one over on me again.
My brain has been somewhat focused on how it likes to be a hypochondriac at times. I suffered this for about a year just after my anxiety started and needless to say, I annoyed the hell out of a lot of general practitioners. Anxiety can reveal itself as very physical symptoms, these can be scary and alarming and make you think that something else must be wrong. Anyway, I hadn't had this for a while but the past few months a few things haven't been 'the norm' and I am panicking about them. Needless to say I am booked in to see a GP soon.
Never be afraid to get anything your not sure of checked out, no matter what. OK, some GP's, especially ones that see you regularly can become quite inpatient with you with reoccurring visits through anxiety issues. I have had a few bad experiences where GP's have been rather abrupt with me... and I get this, I do. But anxiety is itself an illness and I think a GP's role, no matter what, is to be supportive and give you the best help possible, therefore it is essential you find yourself a good one.
I am trying to tell myself that these new 'symptoms' I am trying to self diagnose myself with could be symptoms for many things... but of course, I always go to the very worst case scenarios and this makes me feel ill, which it is trying to do right now... Mind = Red Alert, sirens are going off barp barp barp!!! Thoughts racing, a gazillion things all going off at once in the brain... feeling nauseous thinking that something terrible is happening and scared of dying! Yep, thats right... sickeningly scared..
This time.. I am trying to think about it more rationally. This time I am giving myself a pep talk and literally asking myself what other less severe causes it could be, and if it were the thing I am most afraid of.. it could still be sorted out and if not, do I really want to let it beat me already. Am I making sense here?? Maybe not... sometimes when your anxiety brain is active its really hard to make sense of much and thoughts just come out in masses of words and sentences with not structure.. just a load of blahhhblahhhblahh.
Anyway, I thought it was important to show that anxiety can happen at any time and from one day to the next... thats pretty normal for me... this time though, I need to think a little more rationally about it.
Until next time x
My brain has been somewhat focused on how it likes to be a hypochondriac at times. I suffered this for about a year just after my anxiety started and needless to say, I annoyed the hell out of a lot of general practitioners. Anxiety can reveal itself as very physical symptoms, these can be scary and alarming and make you think that something else must be wrong. Anyway, I hadn't had this for a while but the past few months a few things haven't been 'the norm' and I am panicking about them. Needless to say I am booked in to see a GP soon.
Never be afraid to get anything your not sure of checked out, no matter what. OK, some GP's, especially ones that see you regularly can become quite inpatient with you with reoccurring visits through anxiety issues. I have had a few bad experiences where GP's have been rather abrupt with me... and I get this, I do. But anxiety is itself an illness and I think a GP's role, no matter what, is to be supportive and give you the best help possible, therefore it is essential you find yourself a good one.
I am trying to tell myself that these new 'symptoms' I am trying to self diagnose myself with could be symptoms for many things... but of course, I always go to the very worst case scenarios and this makes me feel ill, which it is trying to do right now... Mind = Red Alert, sirens are going off barp barp barp!!! Thoughts racing, a gazillion things all going off at once in the brain... feeling nauseous thinking that something terrible is happening and scared of dying! Yep, thats right... sickeningly scared..
This time.. I am trying to think about it more rationally. This time I am giving myself a pep talk and literally asking myself what other less severe causes it could be, and if it were the thing I am most afraid of.. it could still be sorted out and if not, do I really want to let it beat me already. Am I making sense here?? Maybe not... sometimes when your anxiety brain is active its really hard to make sense of much and thoughts just come out in masses of words and sentences with not structure.. just a load of blahhhblahhhblahh.
Anyway, I thought it was important to show that anxiety can happen at any time and from one day to the next... thats pretty normal for me... this time though, I need to think a little more rationally about it.
Until next time x
Friday, 13 June 2014
Welcome to Anxiety Girl
I think these difficult times
Have helped me to understand better than before
How infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way
And that so many things one goes around worrying about
Are of no importance whatsoever
Karen Blixen
I am Janine and I am a sufferer of Generalised Anxiety Disorder.
Have you ever caught yourself chewing over some issue, working yourself into a crazed frenzy of worry and nervousness? Perhaps you know deep down that what you are worrying about is total crap, but yet when those thoughts take hold your emotions seem to develop a life of their own!
I first encountered the world of anxiety seven years ago, one very beautiful and glorious summer's day on what was meant to be a nice days shopping. I was pumped to buy some new shoes... I love my shoes see, so after saving up a bit of spendo I decided I would pop to the shopping centre and get some killer heels. Let me just go back a wee bit and explain that prior to this I had gone through a period of what I now know was severe depression. I had had some personal issues and events that had occurred and this left me feeling totally pissed off, fed up and angry with the world. I withdrew a lot and didn't much venture out. Totally not like me. Anyway, going out shopping this particular day was a bit of an achievement for me.. a step to normality, or what is technically refereed to as 'recovery' hurrarrahh.
Anyway, where was I?? oh yes killer heels that's right, so, I pull up in the car park, turn off the engine, started to take off my seat belt aaaaannnd ........................................... there I sat, struck dumb by the enormity of what I was experiencing. You see most people who suffer some form of anxiety disorder/syndrome, remember their first panic attack, and damn I remember mine.
It was overwhelmingly, utterly terrifying and remains etched in the memory for a long time afterwards.. even now. Now, I am not about to start going on about all the feelings I had as every one experiences different feelings. There are plenty of websites that outline 'symptoms' that are generally felt by many. Nor am I here to start reminiscing on the past and start to bring up these re-accuring events and emotions that I have already been through.. no, this is a blog starting from today!
A blog 'diary' if you like about living with an anxiety disorder day by day, week by week, year by year. You see, I just woke up, had a panic attack over a few things (able to jump to the worst conclusion in every single bound hurrarr) and then decided that I am over this shit and it 'aint gunna keep getting one over me. The way I personally see it is this - no one ever gets remembered for the way they faded away into a pit of self pity, they get remembered for how strong they were and how they over come life's difficulties with a smile on their dial whilst helping and caring for others!
I hope that by doing this, I can not only help my own head out but, draw attention to the crazy ass world of anxiety and maybe, just maybe help others who suffer it see it in a different light?? I was going to call it "Giving Anxiety The Finger" but decided that was a bit too arrogant, so it is going to be simply called 'Anxiety Girl'. I am in no way qualified to provide professional help in anyway shape or form, and seriously guys, any of you who read this that do suffer from it or think you do, please... your GP will be there to help you out! Go! This blog is just a personal account of my own feeling and views, and speaking in the language of anxiety so that others who suffer can relate, and people who don't can understand. It will sometimes be serious, sometimes funny, deep and full of emotion no doubt. Please don't let anything I say, especially if it is in humour make you feel that I am taking the piss out of anxiety, absolutely not, it is far from funny, but I just want to try and see it in another light. So, I guess I am qualified as a person who has anxiety.
My message to people who suffer anxiety is this: I KNOW how you feel and CAN start to feel like the usual YOU again. Everyones anxiety is different, there is no competition on 'who has it worse' - we are all in this together so lets help each other see the beauty that is still out there, regardless of what does or doesn't happen in our life's, lets try and fight it with smiles on our dials :)
Have trust.
Janine
Have helped me to understand better than before
How infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way
And that so many things one goes around worrying about
Are of no importance whatsoever
Karen Blixen
I am Janine and I am a sufferer of Generalised Anxiety Disorder.
Have you ever caught yourself chewing over some issue, working yourself into a crazed frenzy of worry and nervousness? Perhaps you know deep down that what you are worrying about is total crap, but yet when those thoughts take hold your emotions seem to develop a life of their own!
I first encountered the world of anxiety seven years ago, one very beautiful and glorious summer's day on what was meant to be a nice days shopping. I was pumped to buy some new shoes... I love my shoes see, so after saving up a bit of spendo I decided I would pop to the shopping centre and get some killer heels. Let me just go back a wee bit and explain that prior to this I had gone through a period of what I now know was severe depression. I had had some personal issues and events that had occurred and this left me feeling totally pissed off, fed up and angry with the world. I withdrew a lot and didn't much venture out. Totally not like me. Anyway, going out shopping this particular day was a bit of an achievement for me.. a step to normality, or what is technically refereed to as 'recovery' hurrarrahh.
Anyway, where was I?? oh yes killer heels that's right, so, I pull up in the car park, turn off the engine, started to take off my seat belt aaaaannnd ........................................... there I sat, struck dumb by the enormity of what I was experiencing. You see most people who suffer some form of anxiety disorder/syndrome, remember their first panic attack, and damn I remember mine.
It was overwhelmingly, utterly terrifying and remains etched in the memory for a long time afterwards.. even now. Now, I am not about to start going on about all the feelings I had as every one experiences different feelings. There are plenty of websites that outline 'symptoms' that are generally felt by many. Nor am I here to start reminiscing on the past and start to bring up these re-accuring events and emotions that I have already been through.. no, this is a blog starting from today!
A blog 'diary' if you like about living with an anxiety disorder day by day, week by week, year by year. You see, I just woke up, had a panic attack over a few things (able to jump to the worst conclusion in every single bound hurrarr) and then decided that I am over this shit and it 'aint gunna keep getting one over me. The way I personally see it is this - no one ever gets remembered for the way they faded away into a pit of self pity, they get remembered for how strong they were and how they over come life's difficulties with a smile on their dial whilst helping and caring for others!
I hope that by doing this, I can not only help my own head out but, draw attention to the crazy ass world of anxiety and maybe, just maybe help others who suffer it see it in a different light?? I was going to call it "Giving Anxiety The Finger" but decided that was a bit too arrogant, so it is going to be simply called 'Anxiety Girl'. I am in no way qualified to provide professional help in anyway shape or form, and seriously guys, any of you who read this that do suffer from it or think you do, please... your GP will be there to help you out! Go! This blog is just a personal account of my own feeling and views, and speaking in the language of anxiety so that others who suffer can relate, and people who don't can understand. It will sometimes be serious, sometimes funny, deep and full of emotion no doubt. Please don't let anything I say, especially if it is in humour make you feel that I am taking the piss out of anxiety, absolutely not, it is far from funny, but I just want to try and see it in another light. So, I guess I am qualified as a person who has anxiety.
My message to people who suffer anxiety is this: I KNOW how you feel and CAN start to feel like the usual YOU again. Everyones anxiety is different, there is no competition on 'who has it worse' - we are all in this together so lets help each other see the beauty that is still out there, regardless of what does or doesn't happen in our life's, lets try and fight it with smiles on our dials :)
Have trust.
Janine
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