Semester break - is 'break' the defining word?

Exams are done - at least for this semester.

Trying to keep busy, as I know from past experience that semester breaks are usually a time for anxiety flare ups.  I think it is due to a release of pressure and not knowing what to do.  Keeping busy IS the answer.

I am coming off of the SRI's too - lots of reasons why.  Not sure if it is a good idea or not but never planned on taking them for 2 years!! Anyway, lets see shall we.  Side effects of reduction are pretty text book at the moment.  I hope they don't last too long.

Watch this space.

Facebook free

So two days ago... I finally did it.  I deactivated my Facebook account.
Let me tell you that this is a really big deal for me.  I moved to Australia from the UK ten years ago and I keep in touch with all my friends and family on there.  I also love to share cool posts in particularly science and there is some great science pages with interesting information on.  BUT, I personally was sick of having a cyber 'social life'.  

I was spending way too long on it and it was taking over actually physically catching up with friends or even speaking with them on the phone.  I was also concerned about the security issues.. ok, you can set your personal security settings, however people can still see a lot of what you are doing and I wasn't really happy about that.  Another thing I found that was my main reason for leaving is that, well, this may sound dramatic but it can be rather psychologically damaging too.  You can scroll onto others profiles and their lives can seem oh so brilliant that you question your own life negatively.  Really, what you are reading about other people may not be as good as it seems, but you interpret it your own way and usually come to the conclusion that they are having a better life than you! One group photo on a beach in Spain may have been a two second snap with strangers for them but for you, they are having the time of their lives away with beautiful people on a beautiful beach having a great time.... It isn't something that I think is good for someone who suffers general anxiety issues and depression.  I think it was doing me more harm than good.

I am naturally a people pleaser - and through my posts I tried to make people happy by telling jokes, posting interesting stuff and sharing photos... but yet most of the time I was using precious time away from actually going 'out' into the world and doing this physically with people who 'would' benefit, not those that 'may' benefit (if they even looked at the posts).  

I tried about six times before and never went through with it, however each time I said I was going to and didn't, I did get a step closer.  I have finally done it and in all honesty, I am not missing it at all.  It has freed up time and also the pressure of "Oh I must post my daily awesomeness today for my friends" has gone... phew! 

This is a HUGE step for me and I wanted to share it on here :)

Quote of the day

Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.

Mahatma Gandhi, as quoted in Hope in the Age of Anxiety

Anxiety Dreams

Last night was the worst night for anxiety dreams.

Usually they occur only every now and then but lately they're happening a lot more.

I wake up with my heart beating out of my chest.

I have always have a vivid imagination, and I always have crazy vivd dreams but usually they do not wake me up feeling like this.

I find that when there is background noise playing, say a TV left on - this is when they happen.

Anyway I thought I would blog this in case anyone reading whom may have experienced then can relate.

<3

A dabble at yoga

Today I tried yoga for the first time.  Just a beginners class for relaxation to get use to it and learn breathing techniques.

It made me realise just how anxious, tense, bad posture and a painfully stiff back I have.  My heart was racing throughout the entire class and I couldn't fully relax, but after it had finished I did feel slightly relaxed and had a sense of accomplishment.  Sometimes it is hard to just get motivated to move... so this was a little step.

I am rather an open-minded individual and I am sensitive to my surroundings.  I enjoyed the music that was played and theory behind it was interesting, so I will certainly keep this up with the hopes it benefits the mind as well as the body.

Give it a go folks if you haven't already..

"Anxiety is love's greatest killer"

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/12/03/anais-nin-love-debbie-millman-1/

Our 'Purpose'

I often think "What is the purpose of my life?" “What am I here for, I know there is something I must do, there is some thing that I am 'meant' to do, but what?”

In fact, I've heard many men and women, at some point, that don't know what they're really here for. They're not necessarily religious or spiritually inclined, but they feel a longing for that "certain something" that defines and integrates their lives.

First, I think everyone feels a pull towards some defining purpose to his or her life, no matter how much it may have become shut out of sight. You can say that all forms of life, all natural phenomena, have some purpose. There's always movement or evolution towards some kind of outcome, whether it's a tree that produces fruit or clouds that form to produce rain. But we humans become so enthralled by our daily activities, engagements and goals, that our awareness of our own unique life purpose is easily dimmed.

And there are consequences to not knowing or finding your purpose. Some people who've become successful in their work or relationships, yet feel hollow, empty or unfulfilled. Sometimes they wonder if they've been on the "wrong" path all along, chosen the wrong career or the wrong life partner. Perhaps their chosen path could be more meaningful or purposeful to them, if they let it.

I think most people retain at least a glimmer of awareness of their life's purpose within themselves. It often feels like a leaning that continues to pull at you. Sometimes it is right in front of your eyes but you don't allow yourself to see it.

Those who experience these feelings but don't pursue or fulfil them remain incomplete and dissatisfied; this is what I did myself for years. However, it's important not to confuse seeking happiness with finding your purpose. Happiness is what you experience in the daily flow of life, the highs and lows that are situational. They will fluctuate. But purpose is deeper. When you're living in accordance with your life's purpose, you view all of the above as part of what you encounter along the road. They don't distract you from that larger vision, which is like a magnet steadily pulling you towards it.

So, what is my purpose? What am I leaning to? What is pulling at me?  Well, when I was young, and I am talking when I was about five or six years of age, I had a constant vision.  It was very clear and very vivid; there was a girl on a truck, stood in the back surrounded by gifts.  The truck was heading down this long dirt track, it was so hot and the atmosphere was heavy.  After a while, the truck entered what appeared to be a small village and all of a sudden, smiling, happy children, holding their arms out and shouting with joy, surrounded the truck.  It was Africa, the truck had gone there to distribute gifts at Christmas, and that was me on the back of the truck, giving these amazing children things they had only dreamed about.

I feel my purpose is to make a difference, no matter how large or how small, in the lives of people.

So, whats your purpose? :)

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/02/27/purpose-work-love/